First... you’re probably wondering:
1. Did you get arrested or embroiled in a scandal? No.
2. Are you going to quit forever? I don’t know.
Here is what I do know…
In 38 days, every aspect of my life has drastically improved because I said "NO" to one thing: booze.
The big domino…
You’ve probably heard of the big domino effect. You have 100 dominos in a row. The goal is to knock them all down.
You could spend 100X the time knocking them down individually. However, if you simply tap the “big” domino, the others will fall with ease and 100X faster.
People want their external world to change: better health, more money, better relationships, better sex, more friends.... However, they aren’t willing to change themselves.
They want more, but they aren’t willing to sacrifice or start saying NO to anything (so they never get what they want and die unfulfilled).
To become something greater, the old you must die. It isn’t easy to kill your comforts, but the “easy” path never yields high returns.
The big domino…
What I know from having coached thousands of men and having received thousands of hours of coaching is this…
You won’t be able to make any significant and sustainable improvements in life without changing yourself first.
Improving your external world is an inside job: health, money, love, sex, social improvements start with fixing you… not “them”… not “it”.
The big domino that is standing in between you and getting more of what you want in life… could be alcohol.
Here’s what has improved “effortlessly” since I quit drinking.
1. Mindset: Alcohol is a depressant. Depression runs in my family. When I drink regularly, I get depressed. Sure… the first few drinks are fun, but the next day isn’t. I get depressed. When I am depressed, I am way less productive and outgoing. I don’t have enough life force to deeply impact others and help them change. That is my profession and that is my passion. So that is a problem. You can’t pour from an empty cup. When I’m sober, my attitude and outlook on life are 10x better. I am friendlier, more outgoing, more impactful, and better to others when I am off booze. My relentless inner-critic is quieter, and I am happier and more confident.
2. Activities & Hobbies: I wasn’t surfing enough in Hawaii, wasn’t playing my guitar, wasn’t doing Jiu-Jitsu, wasn’t seeing enough sunrises and sunsets, wasn’t reading, wasn’t writing, I wasn’t on-point with my habits and routines. I’m doing all of these things weekly (if not daily) now which has helped out with my…
3. Anxiety- As I’ve gotten older, my “hangxiety” has gotten WAY worse. I think it is because I don’t have the “you’re going to live forever” delusion anymore. A wasted day is a tragedy, and I hate myself for wasted days: watching Netflix, indoors, curled up in the fetal position mentally and physically praying for the day to just be over, my inner-critic beating the shit out of me amid dark existential fears soaring to unmanageable heights. I am not religious, but I believe that wasted days are a cardinal SIN. As such, wasting life gives me TERRIBLE anxiety. My anxiety is a gift. It makes me pay dearly for making bad decisions. For the last 38 days, I’ve been stacking good decisions and like magic… my anxiety is GONE.
4. Money- Recently, my business had dipped from a revenue standpoint. In 38 days, I have not only 3X’d our revenue, I have been proactively launching new programs and products while plugging holes and fixing cracks that will yield another 2-3X revenue increase in the coming months. I KNEW what I needed to do, but I didn’t have the focus or extra gas needed to work proactively. I was working and existing reactively, which is an act of maintenance and survival. It is not the same as strategically working, growing, and thriving. Money is meaningless and dangerous if your mindset is messed up. I have learned this the hard way over the past couple of years. Your mental health should be prioritized over your money. They work hand in hand. And money is meaningless if you are miserable. Meaning before money.
5. Sex and Love- When you’re drinking, you tend to make concessions in life. You allow people in who shouldn’t be there, and you do not attract the people who you actually want and who should be there. Drinking makes you impulsive. It also makes you capable of hooking up and getting romantically involved with people you have nothing in common with. This is primal living. It is base. It is unevolved. You drink because you want to be someone else. So when you are drunk, you attract people to something other than what you are. I’m still trying to find the right woman. Definitely, having fun dating in the meantime, but not settling for a relationship with someone who doesn’t make me want to be better. And, I am not worried about it. I don’t need someone to complete me. I am whole.
6. Friends- I didn’t make any solid friends in my first 6 months of Hawaii living. I have made several solid homies in the last 38 days. Our friendship is rooted in healthy activities that you really wouldn’t, shouldn’t, and simply can’t fully enjoy while hungover or drunk.
7. Clients- I can give more to my people now that I can put myself first and give myself what I need. No two ways about it, everybody loses when you don’t put your health and yourself first. And, everyone knows when you are talking the talk but not walking the walk. 80% of communication is non-verbal. They will feel your disingenuity. Leaders must do more than they ask. The same goes for parenting. Your kids are going to doubt you, question you, test you, and own you if you aren’t walking the walk. And they should. It is unethical and ineffectual to try and lead people down a path that you aren’t trekking at 110%.
8. Health- I am under 10% body fat at 41 years of age. Working out is easy. I look forward to it and have an “I get to workout” attitude instead of an “I have to” attitude. My skin is tighter. My face bloat is gone. My eyes are bright white. And my gut health is WAY better. So much to list here. When you are drinking, you make bad decisions because drinking makes you impulsive. You eat more food, you eat bad foods, you sleep like shit, and go for what is quick, easy, and convenient. You steal happiness from tomorrow by choosing short-lived hits of happiness today.
Do I have a drinking problem?
Do you have a drinking problem?
If we are moving backward or idling in life because of our drinking… we have a drinking problem.
Remove that 1 problem, and watch all of your other problems evaporate.
Forever?! Not likely.
But, for an extended chunk of time.
Enough time for you to experience what life looks like as you sober, versus you drunk and hungover.
Are you scared?
Even more reason to do it.
Anxiety = GO.
It’s time to get to know the person you’re been hiding from the world.
Falling behind in life?
In 38 days of sobriety, I have made more progress than I did in the last 6-7 months.
Let that sink in.
Anyways, I am going to go surfing. Done writing for today. Wanted to share this with you if you suspect that alcohol is holding you back in life.
If you suspect that may be true, quit for 30 days and tell me what changes.
I’m rooting for you.